Parent, heal thyself...if you want to help your child.

I met with a woman who talked of her concerns about her child acting out in ways that may be sexually inappropriate ways. As we talked through the issue it came to light how disturbed the mom was with the whole notion of sexual acting out of children or of perpetrating children. We talked about how the mom's thought process and behaviors may be increasing the child's acting out.

A number of years ago I worked with a mom who had been violently physically abused. She had a 10 year old son. When the son acted in aggressive ways, mom would become more withdrawn. Mom's withdrawing increased the son's sense of power. As he felt more powerful, he acted more aggressively which increased mom shutting down even more.

It was a powerful negative spiral. The mom, scared for herself, increased in the son the very behaviors she was afraid of.

There is a need to not only look at the child's dynamics of acting out, but what we as parents may be contributing to the child's acting out, if we are to get a handle on the situation.