Building

Eroding self esteem is much easier than building it. We need to be searchers of strengths rather than searchers of weaknesses. I agree with that statement and add "not only in other people, but within ourselves as well."

A number of years ago when my sons were playing basketball I was accused by my oldest son of being too critical of his playing, and as I reflected on it I agreed. After he shared that with me I worked harder at looking at his strengths.

I had been asked to fill in for the coach of his brothers' team and I asked my oldest son to coach with me. He knew the game far better than me. After the game I asked him to talk with his brothers about what had worked and what hadn't in the game. He immediately became critical of their performance. We both smiled when I pointed it out to him. He was completely unaware that he had done it.

It is like trying to break out of ruts in a dirt road. We must constantly fight to make sure we are saying things that will build people up rather than tear them down. Sometimes being aware of what we are doing is a good start.

We shouldn't be afraid to talk about things that need improvement. And when you do, start out with positives and talk about the developmental opportunities from a context what they are already doing well.